Top Margin

Executive Resumes, Executive Interview Coaching, Master Resume Writer

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Every day, Depositphotos_8404207_originalprobably every second, someone will have the decision to leave a job made for them. One of those people could be you.

It may be that administrators shut down your company with no warning, or you are forced to take a redundancy, or you fall on your sword for a decision that never was yours to begin with. These are the circumstances where you have no time to reconcile yourself for change.

The first few weeks are a flurry of preparation. Exciting times prevail as you ramp up your efforts for employment. You investigate and select a professional resume writer, collaborate on the development of your resume, complete interview coaching, and start setting up your Linkedin profile. Your confidence soars as you see yourself on paper how others will see you—confident, competent; a can-do person with a portfolio of skills and achievements of which can you can be justifiably proud. You start networking. Just like everyone says you are supposed to do. Every day you’re calling recruiting firms, seeking out past colleagues and friends; a coffee here, a coffee there. You hear rumours of firms about to hire and you send in your resume, call contacts and get your friends to keep their ears open. You have a couple of interviews.

Weeks go by and with the passage of time, feelings of doubt start to invade your thoughts.

You mentally check off what it could be that you’re doing wrong. Your resume is fantastic; all the recruiters say so. Leads haven’t materialised; companies have decided not to proceed with projects or roles, recruiters are no longer buzzing around you. When you call them, they’re non-committal, cool. You get the feeling that they’re trying to brush you off. Your “better than sliced bread” moment has mysteriously disappeared and it feels like there’s always something they want that you don’t have. Now you haven’t been placed early, you feel a little like a house that’s been for sale for too long. Everyone who would want to buy it has seen it and has moved on to newer properties on the market.

You’re convinced now you’ve done something wrong. Did you pitch your salary too high? Is it because you don’t have enough education or you are “over qualified”? Did you try too hard or were you too laid back? You wrack your brains remembering your last interview in detail, going over everything asked and answered. What could you have said wrong? Why doesn’t the recruiter call you more often? He knows how worried you are!

Suddenly, without warning, someone you haven’t met before replaces the optimistic person you were. This new iteration of you is plagued with self-doubt, rarely smiles and looks like he carries a great burden on his shoulders. Convinced that your whole approach is flawed, you kick yourself mentally that you didn’t jump on this earlier. You call your resume writer wanting the resume revamped to make your appeal broader for a wider audience, you spend hours searching job boards. You feel embarrassed that you’ve “forced yourself” on friends and decide to pull back on those coffees. You can only imagine how pitiful they find your desperate attempts to gain information.

At home, your partner is concerned. His or her efforts to remove that look in your eye are met with a dismissive cold shoulder. You don’t need pity or your partner’s disapproving eye. You know you’ve failed.

Why even bother? You sit on the couch and watch the TV without really seeing what’s on. Maybe you’ll review the situation again tomorrow, but today you just can’t deal with any more rejection.

The scene above is played out somewhere in your community, your neighbourhood every day. The negative impact of a long job search frequently brings about feelings of depression, loss, bitterness, anger and often hopelessness. These feelings in themselves create a cyclical situation—who wants to hire someone with an obvious chip on his shoulder or one who carries his burden with such lethargy that a smile seems like too much trouble?

There are no simple fixes to what can become a serious problem affecting not just the jobseeker, but families and extended groups of friends who want to help but don’t know how.

While it sounds trite, maintaining a positive outlook really is important and action—doing something—is equally important. If you are doing something then you are working towards your goal. If declining finances are an issue, then staring listlessly at the pile of bills on the table won’t help. What action can you take to take the pressure off? Call your bank, perhaps the extra payments you have made on your mortgage can allow you to temporarily cut back on mortgage payments, perhaps your loan can be extended. Contact utility suppliers, make arrangements to pay. If you are doing something, you are occupied and thinking ahead.

Doesn’t your résumé say that you anticipate and solve problems? Well here are some problems to solve. What else can you do to take action?

Give yourself a break from the unrelenting misery. What can you do to give yourself a break mentally? Go for a walk with your partner. Do small maintenance repairs around the house. Clear up your garage. De-cobweb the eaves. Keeping busy is important to clear your mind and the fresh air will do you good.

Come to terms with the fact that people, on the whole, want to help. Go back to having coffee or lunch with friends. Isolating yourself isn’t the answer. If you’re afraid that your “down” mood will alienate your friends then listen more than you speak. You’ll never know what you may hear as they complain about their jobs and the current project or situation. It may be something you can act upon.

Give recruiters a break. Or at least, adjust your attitude. Do you know how many sad, desperate, bitter people they see in any one day? Can you imagine what is it like to break bad news every day? Of bearing the burden of hundred’s of people’s distress? Give them a break and back off. If you have information to pass on from your lunch with friends that could be a concrete job, share it with them. They’ll be happy to pursue it if it is exists. It’s called a lead, and recruiters love leads, making placements and being paid.

Don’t torture yourself by setting yourself up for failure. Have you been applying for roles that are beneath your level of skill just to get any job? Stop doing that. It does nothing for your self-esteem to miss out on a job that you could have done 20 years ago, and frankly, you’re not the person for that job any longer. People don’t just hire individuals in isolation with a set of skills. They hire for their ability to fit in with a team. That lesser job is probably being filled by people all under 25. Realistically, they don’t want “dad” in the department. You’re just not a fit.

Can you complete a training course that will help keep you motivated and polish up a few outdated skills? What is available in your line of work that will be helpful?

Keep to what you know. Don’t go on a tangent thinking that you should run off and get a job in a factory or join a circus. Unless you’re an experienced factory worker, you won’t get the job. Unless you have a background as a lion tamer or ticket seller, there will be no joy there for you either.

Remember what you know. The higher you are up the ladder, the longer jobs take to fill. It simply makes sense. There are fewer jobs at the top of the pyramid. The salaries are higher, people tend to stay in these jobs longer. Be realistic about this. You are a unique commodity. If you have been successful in the past, you will be again.

It’s all a numbers game and a waiting game.

Have faith.

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(Note: if you are having feelings of hopelessness and you are having dark thoughts, we urge you to seek the help of professionals. Beyond Blue is one of many organisations in Australia who can help. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

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I am a member of the Career Collective. A group of experienced career professionals who blog on specific topics every month. Look for our posts on Twitter #careercollective. Meantime, check out other member articles on this topic–links at the bottom of this article.

Please see other discussions and possible solutions from Career Collective members.

@MartinBuckland, Job Search Made Positive

@chandlee, Strategy for Getting “Unstuck” and Feeling Better: Watch Lemonade

@heathermundell, Help for the Job Search Blues

@heatherhuhman, 10 Ways to Turn You Job Search Frown Upside-Down

@KCCareerCoach, You Can Beat the Job Search Blues: 5 + 3 Tips to Get Re-Energized

@WalterAkana, Light at the End of the Tunnel

@LaurieBerenson, Ways to Keep Your Glass Half Full

@resumeservice, Don’t Sweat the Job Search

@careersherpa, Mind Over Matter: Moving Your Stalled Search Forward

@WorkWithIllness, Finding Opportunity in Quicksand

@KatCareerGal, Job-Hunting in a Weak Job Market: 5 Strategies for Staying Upbeat (and Improving Your Chances of Success)

@ErinKennedyCPRW, Dancing in the Rain–Kicking the Job Search Blues

@keppie_careers, What do do when you are discouraged with your job search

@DawnBugni, It’s the little things

@ValueIntoWords, Restoring Your Joy in Job Search

@jobhuntorg, Just SO VERY Discouraged

@barbarasafani Making Job Search Fun (Yeah, That’s Right!)

@GLHoffman, How to Overcome the Job Search Negativity

@ExpatCoachMegan, Dealing With Job Search Stress: Getting to the Source of the Problem

About Gayle Howard

If you are interested in working with Gayle Howard—an executive resume writer, Certified Master Resume Writer, multi-award-winning resume writer, and Master LinkedIn profile writer, drop her a line now using the contact form at the link above. Gayle can help you get interviews for your dream job and bring the world of business to you by maximizing your exposure and connections on LinkedIn.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Laurie Berenson says

    Gayle,

    Great advice as always! The point you make about recruiters is spot on. As a former executive search consultant, I can attest that recruiters love hearing of leads (for perspective candidates or jobs) and appreciate the candidate relationships in which there’s an open dialogue and the candidate “gets” how to best stay in touch with a recruiter.

    Reply

  2. Laurie Berenson says

    Gayle,

    Great advice as always! The point you make about recruiters is spot on. As a former executive search consultant, I can attest that recruiters love hearing of leads (for perspective candidates or jobs) and appreciate the candidate relationships in which there’s an open dialogue and the candidate “gets” how to best stay in touch with a recruiter.

    Reply

  9. Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter says

    Gayle,
    I love how you tell the real story of a job seeker’s struggles, while also addressing pragmatic ways to deal with the walls that they hit.

    Sometimes, in life, we have to reach a ‘new low’ to really begin rising from the ashes again, and gain new clarity. The facts are, there are actions we can take during a tough job search and low ‘revenue’ period in our lives to move forward and to maintain our hope.

    I love the idea of demonstrating problem solving by calling the bank regarding a possible mortgage payment adjustment; and of not isolating oneself from friends, and instead, spending time, being present with them — it’s not always about releasing and venting emotions; it’s sometimes just about companionship, and that can breed a certain comfort and release, in and of itself.

    Your myriad of suggestions to help job seekers break free from the handcuffs of anxiety and potential depression are excellent … and very REAL.

    Thanks for your contribution!

    Reply

  10. Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter says

    Gayle,
    I love how you tell the real story of a job seeker’s struggles, while also addressing pragmatic ways to deal with the walls that they hit.

    Sometimes, in life, we have to reach a ‘new low’ to really begin rising from the ashes again, and gain new clarity. The facts are, there are actions we can take during a tough job search and low ‘revenue’ period in our lives to move forward and to maintain our hope.

    I love the idea of demonstrating problem solving by calling the bank regarding a possible mortgage payment adjustment; and of not isolating oneself from friends, and instead, spending time, being present with them — it’s not always about releasing and venting emotions; it’s sometimes just about companionship, and that can breed a certain comfort and release, in and of itself.

    Your myriad of suggestions to help job seekers break free from the handcuffs of anxiety and potential depression are excellent … and very REAL.

    Thanks for your contribution!

    Reply

  15. Dawn Bugni says

    Gayle –

    Spot on as usual from you!! The most important thing to do when going through a difficult time is to keep moving — even if it’s tiny little steps. Sitting on the couch waiting for wonderful to happen is no way to take of charge of life or a career. We’ve got to take action and make it happen. Excellent information shared in a compelling way.

    THANKS.

    Reply

  16. Dawn Bugni says

    Gayle –

    Spot on as usual from you!! The most important thing to do when going through a difficult time is to keep moving — even if it’s tiny little steps. Sitting on the couch waiting for wonderful to happen is no way to take of charge of life or a career. We’ve got to take action and make it happen. Excellent information shared in a compelling way.

    THANKS.

    Reply

  17. Kathy Bitschenauer says

    Hello, Gayle,

    I love your story and sage insights!

    Just last evening I was coaching a young man who completed a college degree in Mathematics and graduated Cum Laud (GPA 3.8), but has been a bad slump since graduation four years ago.

    My goal is to lift up not only his sights (from “taking whatever falls in my lap”), but his spirits as well. He has been wrestling with a lot of confusion, frustration, anxiety, and depression that gripped him when he did not land a job in his specialty soon after college.

    A turning point came when I asked him, “What happened to all the energy, the drive, and the will to succeed that enabled you to graduate with such high honors? It’s like it went poof!” And later in the conversation, “What can you do to regain the drive you once had?” What bubbles up your energy? What really gives meaning to your life?

    He brightened up as he thought about the questions and answered with some very concrete, simple, “do-able” actions he could take now to begin restoring his faith and improving his perspective on life, such as reconnecting with friends from college.

    I love your encouragement: “Remember what you know.” What a great compass to embrace to avoid giving in to despair when things don’t happen the way we hoped, and to keep us focused on our worth and our goal.

    Thank you for your contribution!

    ~Kathy Bitschenauer

    Reply

  18. Kathy Bitschenauer says

    Hello, Gayle,

    I love your story and sage insights!

    Just last evening I was coaching a young man who completed a college degree in Mathematics and graduated Cum Laud (GPA 3.8), but has been a bad slump since graduation four years ago.

    My goal is to lift up not only his sights (from “taking whatever falls in my lap”), but his spirits as well. He has been wrestling with a lot of confusion, frustration, anxiety, and depression that gripped him when he did not land a job in his specialty soon after college.

    A turning point came when I asked him, “What happened to all the energy, the drive, and the will to succeed that enabled you to graduate with such high honors? It’s like it went poof!” And later in the conversation, “What can you do to regain the drive you once had?” What bubbles up your energy? What really gives meaning to your life?

    He brightened up as he thought about the questions and answered with some very concrete, simple, “do-able” actions he could take now to begin restoring his faith and improving his perspective on life, such as reconnecting with friends from college.

    I love your encouragement: “Remember what you know.” What a great compass to embrace to avoid giving in to despair when things don’t happen the way we hoped, and to keep us focused on our worth and our goal.

    Thank you for your contribution!

    ~Kathy Bitschenauer

    Reply

  19. Gayle Howard says

    Thanks Kathy. I love the sound of passion you have. Your clients are extraordinarily lucky to work with you! Meantime, isn’t it sad when young people are suffering so? Unemployment is a sad thing for anyone of course, but I hate to see hopes dashed and feelings of despair happen when a person hasn’t even started a career yet!

    Reply

  20. Gayle Howard says

    Thanks Kathy. I love the sound of passion you have. Your clients are extraordinarily lucky to work with you! Meantime, isn’t it sad when young people are suffering so? Unemployment is a sad thing for anyone of course, but I hate to see hopes dashed and feelings of despair happen when a person hasn’t even started a career yet!

    Reply

  21. Rosalind Joffe says

    Gayle-I can’t believe how well you totally nailed this scenario. I’ve heard this story from my own clients but also from others. Strangers who email me and friends, too. I can easily imagine it happening to me – that sense of becoming someone else without realizing it’s happened and losing the essense of what made you what you are in the workplace. And best of all, your “advice” is clear,easy to put into practice and will make a difference. I’m delighted that being in the collective brings me to your wisdom! Rosalind

    Reply

  22. Rosalind Joffe says

    Gayle-I can’t believe how well you totally nailed this scenario. I’ve heard this story from my own clients but also from others. Strangers who email me and friends, too. I can easily imagine it happening to me – that sense of becoming someone else without realizing it’s happened and losing the essense of what made you what you are in the workplace. And best of all, your “advice” is clear,easy to put into practice and will make a difference. I’m delighted that being in the collective brings me to your wisdom! Rosalind

    Reply

  23. Jason Reid says

    An excellent post. There were times I was that person you describe – the once confident job hunter suddenly full of self doubt and recrimination. I had a rigid mental picture of how I was going to get my next job and what companies I would work for. When things were not going my way I started getting bitter.

    Then, a chance meeting of a friend of a friend at a coffee shop made me aware of a job lead. It was the job I was looking for, but I didn’t think the company was prestigious enough. I finally relaxed my rigidity and went with the flow – and it turned out the company was a perfect fit. I stayed with that company for more than a decade.

    The lesson I learned was to be a bit more flexible and relaxed in my job hunt. Sometimes you get so busy chasing opportunities, you ignore a good one lying right at your feet.

    Reply

  24. Jason Reid says

    An excellent post. There were times I was that person you describe – the once confident job hunter suddenly full of self doubt and recrimination. I had a rigid mental picture of how I was going to get my next job and what companies I would work for. When things were not going my way I started getting bitter.

    Then, a chance meeting of a friend of a friend at a coffee shop made me aware of a job lead. It was the job I was looking for, but I didn’t think the company was prestigious enough. I finally relaxed my rigidity and went with the flow – and it turned out the company was a perfect fit. I stayed with that company for more than a decade.

    The lesson I learned was to be a bit more flexible and relaxed in my job hunt. Sometimes you get so busy chasing opportunities, you ignore a good one lying right at your feet.

    Reply

  27. Gayle says

    What a wonderful story Jason and a lesson for everyone. I read a book years ago called the Celestine Prophecy which amongst a lot of other life lessons, indicated that there are signs leading you down a road if you just see them. There are people who come into your life who are there to either teach or guide you down the road to success. It’s just a matter of identifying who they are and having faith. Your story reminded me of that.

    Reply

  28. Gayle says

    What a wonderful story Jason and a lesson for everyone. I read a book years ago called the Celestine Prophecy which amongst a lot of other life lessons, indicated that there are signs leading you down a road if you just see them. There are people who come into your life who are there to either teach or guide you down the road to success. It’s just a matter of identifying who they are and having faith. Your story reminded me of that.

    Reply

  29. Susan P Joyce says

    Fabulous article and insight, Gayle! Just what I would expect from you. You have clearly helped many people struggle through this process which can be SO discouraging and so draining.

    The link to BeyondBlue is wonderful – for decades, studies have shown that unemployment can have a serious impact on health, families, and communities, and help “escaping dark throughts” is often just exactly what is needed.

    Wonderful! Thank you!

    Reply

  30. Susan P Joyce says

    Fabulous article and insight, Gayle! Just what I would expect from you. You have clearly helped many people struggle through this process which can be SO discouraging and so draining.

    The link to BeyondBlue is wonderful – for decades, studies have shown that unemployment can have a serious impact on health, families, and communities, and help “escaping dark throughts” is often just exactly what is needed.

    Wonderful! Thank you!

    Reply

  31. Walter Akana says

    Hi Gayle! This is an excellent post which really captures the loss of confidence that can happen over time, and I’ve seen this among outplacement candidates time and again! Still, the advice you offer actually works for people. Again, I’ve seen it work among the displaced job seekers I work with. Perhaps the only thing I’d add to the list is help others is investing some time in helping others. Volunteering, especially for a group related to your professional interests can be a great way to gain visibility while feeling productive.

    Reply

  32. Walter Akana says

    Hi Gayle! This is an excellent post which really captures the loss of confidence that can happen over time, and I’ve seen this among outplacement candidates time and again! Still, the advice you offer actually works for people. Again, I’ve seen it work among the displaced job seekers I work with. Perhaps the only thing I’d add to the list is help others is investing some time in helping others. Volunteering, especially for a group related to your professional interests can be a great way to gain visibility while feeling productive.

    Reply

  33. Geo Green Crete says

    Hello Friends!

    This is like my morning coffee, I mean your website, I’ve been an ignorant on so many topics but thanks to you I learned much. Umbeliveble how I believe something and then I discover that the reality is totally different. Your articles are great to say the least. I love, love, love your blog! I love the way you write your articles by the way, you’ve done an excellent job with your website!

    Cheers!

    Reply

  34. Geo Green Crete says

    Hello Friends!

    This is like my morning coffee, I mean your website, I’ve been an ignorant on so many topics but thanks to you I learned much. Umbeliveble how I believe something and then I discover that the reality is totally different. Your articles are great to say the least. I love, love, love your blog! I love the way you write your articles by the way, you’ve done an excellent job with your website!

    Cheers!

    Reply

  55. moldor says

    I *hate* it when she makes so much sense….

    Something I have to get to grips with is the feeling of revenge – I was screwed over by a Manager in a Government department through nothing I did – I just wouldn't let him intimidate or bully me – and I was “let go” because of this.

    The feeling to want to hurt him in a very real and career-threatening way is very strong with this one !!

    Reply

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