The Frankenstein Factor: The Resume Monster Mash

Let’s face it. Frankenstein’s monster wasn’t too pretty, nor was he effective.

Resumes often suffer the same fate.

It’s clear that the monster’s maker Dr Frankenstein, was better at sourcing and finding spare parts than overseeing the quality of the final product. Yet, despite the 1816 book by Mary Shelley, lessons have not been learned about the folly of stitching together spare parts to unleash something new on an unsuspecting public.

Cobbled together resume monsters are still seen today, strewn across the desks of recruiters worldwide; a source of dismay and loathing by those who have the misfortune to come into contact with them; monsters that stumble their way through a jerking, twisting narrative in ways that make little sense.

Just last week, I too was shocked to receive a Frankenstein resume.

The document, stitched together from old resumes, biographies, cover letters, job descriptions and more, was such an entanglement of first- and third-person references and conflicting tenses, that I wondered whether the Dr Frankenstein’s spirit had been invoked!

Take for example, the following:

John is a manager of world-renown and I enjoy being part of team. His expertise in uniting people to support global initiatives, has been a source of inspiration, and I have worked hard to deliver the profit outcomes and targets dictated by his employer. Specifically, I have:

• Developing a customer service focus to achieve long-term vision.
• Good communication and interpersonal skills
• Able to drive change and win acceptance for his ideas and strategies.
• Being at the forefront of conducting due diligence for new acquisitions.

Just in case you’re wondering what is wrong with this patchwork horror, let’s review.

• The document starts with third person, morphs into first person and then does it a couple of times more for good measure.
• The sentence, “Specifically I have:” should be followed by a series of bullet points starting with words in the past tense. Instead, we have a mish-mash of incorrect tenses and odd inclusions from job descriptions.